maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
