ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
