I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
