I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
