he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
