how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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