My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
