I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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