went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
