i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
