bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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