i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize