im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize