I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
