I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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