His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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