it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am naked and annoyed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
