I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
