if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
