Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
