I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
