My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
