i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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