I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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