I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
