we have pet lesbian snakes
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't like sucking hair
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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