I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
