that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize