I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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