I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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