I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
