I puked a lego.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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