That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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