I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
