Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
