When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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