I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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