ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
