I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
