my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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