You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
