He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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