Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she told me i tasted like america
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize