The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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