he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
