is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
