They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
