i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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