My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
