All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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