The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
