Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize