I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
