just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize