worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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