Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
