Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
