my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
