How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
