its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
