dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
