There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
