ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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