oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
