what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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