Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize