I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
