i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
