i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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