Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
