I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
