Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
