All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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