shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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