Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
