Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
