ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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