Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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