woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
