What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
